Special Report: How to date yourself

A guide to being your own best sweetheart 💙

On this Valentine’s Day week, we’re re-sharing last year’s evergreen guide to being your own best sweetheart. The full post is available for paid subscribers. If you like Days & Nights, consider dropping $5 a month so you never have to wonder what to do today or tonight. 💙

We aren’t particular about Valentine’s Day. Just as we think about “fun” as a 365-day-a-year priority, we think “love” and “romance” should be a daily practice, too. And it’s not just about celebrating love and romance with other people; you’ve gotta keep it up with yourself. (Paraphrasing RuPaul, Thich Nhat Hanh, and the other wise teachers: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else?”)

On this Valentine’s Day week, when couple-y romantic dates are on the mind and calendar, we’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of the Artist Date, which originates in The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron’s classic book on creativity. The gist of the Artist Date is this: once per week, take yourself on a solo outing to some place that interests you. It doesn’t have to be overtly “artsy,” like going to a museum. It could be as simple as taking a walk on a block you’re not terribly familiar with and noticing a good looking tree. Julia Cameron is an adorable human, btw, and she recommends going to a craft store to look at cool feathers—no need to buy anything, just look and touch. It can be easy and cheap.

The goal is simply to engage with something that interests you to “fire up your imagination.” It should inspire curiosity, creativity, wonder, and pleasure. The benefits of an Artist Date for people who make art is relatively obvious—to get your creative juices going, you have to acquire juice from somewhere, usually by way of observation and inspiration. But we think taking yourself on a date is valuable for all people. Taking solo time to explore what moves you lets you:

• Fill yourself up so you have something to give to others.
  Some critique the artist date as being kinda “selfish.” We very much don’t agree. Enjoying solo time doing just the things you want to do is what gives you the capacity to be a good human to the other humans in your life. There are a lot of roles we have to play being alive in the world—a coworker, partner, sibling, parent, citizen, or whatever else. We take a lot of time dishing out empathy and generosity to others because it’s beautiful to connect with people in the world, but you’ve gotta fill yourself up so you have something to give. The artist date can give you those reserves.
  

• Have a TON of fun being in the world without context.
  Maybe there’s an outfit you want to try on but you’re feeling a little shy to debut it with your friends who know you well. Maybe you want to be quiet when you’re normally chatty, or strike up conversations with strangers when you’re normally quiet. Lean into whichever part of you feels like it needs to get out. When you’re solo, you can test drive any version of yourself.

When we get home from solo dates, we always feel energized because we’ve had some time to feel our feet on the damn ground, breathe a little bit, and make sure we’re doing OK. Sounds good, right?

If you’re intrigued, here are some ideas for dates you can take yourself on this week or whenever.

The New Yorkiest Artist Dates 🗽